Of course you expect to change diapers and deal with potty training (surprise! it doesn't happen overnight, and, they pee on the floor! Awesome!). But, didn't you sort of expect that once they got the hang of using the toilet, you could spend the rest of your life NOT involved? True story: 7 year old goes to the bathroom. Yells from bathroom "Mooooooommmmm! I went poop! I wiped my bum but there's nothing on the toilet paper! I wiped again and some more and now my bum-bum hurts! Can you come look at my bum?" Nothing I'd rather do, sweetheart! But, ahhhhhh. The Clean Poop. One of life's small triumphs. Then there's the flip side:" Moooooooommmmm! I went poop and I wiped and wiped and wiped and there's still more poop! I flushed already and I used all the toilet paper and there's still poop! Can you wipe me?" Uh. The Never-ender. One of life's small insults. Either way, my involvement is required. I know, I know. I shouldn't worry. They'll learn. You don't see college kids who don't know how to wipe their own asses. But it's not for lack of trying!
When you are planning to have kids (either the fun stage where it's all just a hypothetical, or the "shit just got real" phase during pregnancy), you are very busy thinking about things like how to name your baby so that she has a unique name but not too unique (hello Marigold!), how to decorate your kid's room so it's sweet/sophisticated/hip/urban/cute/different/lusted after ALL AT THE SAME TIME, and, or course, how well behaved your kids will be when you take them to the supermarket, unlike those horrid screaming children over there with that disheveled lady who must be the housekeeper (she isn't). So fun! But the one thing, the ONE thing, you will be dealing with on a daily basis until those kids are way too old is......POOP! And you never gave it even an inkling of thought. But you should have. Oh yes, you should have.
Of course you expect to change diapers and deal with potty training (surprise! it doesn't happen overnight, and, they pee on the floor! Awesome!). But, didn't you sort of expect that once they got the hang of using the toilet, you could spend the rest of your life NOT involved? True story: 7 year old goes to the bathroom. Yells from bathroom "Mooooooommmmm! I went poop! I wiped my bum but there's nothing on the toilet paper! I wiped again and some more and now my bum-bum hurts! Can you come look at my bum?" Nothing I'd rather do, sweetheart! But, ahhhhhh. The Clean Poop. One of life's small triumphs. Then there's the flip side:" Moooooooommmmm! I went poop and I wiped and wiped and wiped and there's still more poop! I flushed already and I used all the toilet paper and there's still poop! Can you wipe me?" Uh. The Never-ender. One of life's small insults. Either way, my involvement is required. I know, I know. I shouldn't worry. They'll learn. You don't see college kids who don't know how to wipe their own asses. But it's not for lack of trying!
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Who is this person and why should I care?You probably shouldn't. You spend too much time on the internet anyway. Stop reading and go outside! But, this is the section where you have to say something about who you are...My name is Jhana (pronounced like the "J" in Bonjour, so everyone who knows me and calls me Jaaaahna, now you know). I live in the 'burbs of Boston with my husband and 2 kids, so yeah, with my 3 kids. I have a lot of things spinning around in my mind so instead of talking to myself in the mirror while I brush my teeth, I thought I would do what every other person does who thinks what they gave to say is AWESOME and for whom Facebook just wasn't enough. That's right-I said "whom." Archives
July 2015
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