Apparently, to make this even more fun, in order to actually lose weight I need to exercise, which puts me in direct opposition of my life philosophy of....nothing. I say, doing nothing is the way to go. I am happiest on the couch, TV on, paper next to me so I look smart, big fat glass-o-wine in hand, staring off into space while I think hard about which Kardashian looks more like a weird clown balloon. As my dear husband puts it so eloquently..."You are definitely an indoor person."
I guess this makes sense. In the not-so-distant past, when I used to exercise because I liked it (seriously, so dumb), I was in tip- top shape. And I still have the rock hard abs to prove it, if you can find them under my soft, squishable layer of tummy. And I suppose I could, MAYBE, get there again, except genetics is not on my side. My kneecaps are slanted, and so just "being" hurts, and exercise is unbearable. Until I can get them fixed in November, I can't even walk to Dunkies (What? I live in Boston. There are 3 within 1/4 mile!) for my mediumextrahotskimmilk2splendathanks. And so, I shall spend the next 6 months not eating. So if we get together for dinner, and I stare longingly at your food while I inhale my steamed fish and broccoli, now you know why.