Here is what I thought would happen: they would get me all settled under hot blankets, then give me a mask and gently say "Now start counting down from 10 and when you get to 1, you'll feel yourself getting sleepy, and then you'll go to sleep and wake up all better."
Here is what actually happened: " You've just been give copious amounts of happy juice, and I know I have 4 eyes right now. Can you get yourself into this cold metal table? And no, that's not George Clooney" Um, ok. And then they practically tossed me on there-no fun! I tried to look around, but before I could take in all the giant robots getting ready to stab my insides, and keep a keen eye out for George, someone slapped an oxygen mask on my face and said "just a little oxygen." And that's it. From getting into the OR to near-dead...2-3 minutes, tops. No gentle countdown, no warm blankets, no flavored anasthesia (apparently, you have to be under 10 to get that-super bummer! Imagine if they did it for grownups? Vodka tonic? Don't mind if I do. There would be a line).
Next thing I know I'm was all "WTF? How did the doctor do the surgery in like 5 effin minutes????Malpractice!!!" More like 4.5 hours, but whatever. Also, I would like to point out that I looked freakin' awesome for just having my insides all ripped up. Seriously. The nurse was all "wow, you don't even look like you just had surgery" and I was all "oh, c'mon (smiling)". But then she said "look around." And she was right. I was sitting up, chatting, and my hair looked A-MAY-ZING. So worth the 5 am blow-dry, which both my mom and husband ridiculed me mercilessly for. Losers. I am ALWAYS right. Checking out everyone else, I was remarkably chirpy and alert, and groomed. They were all droopy with their tongues hanging out and had messy hair all up in scrunchies and stuff. I was truly horrified (scrunchies!). Apparently, I was the only one who came prepared. If I'm going to be lying naked on a table, with tubes down my throat, up my nose, and up my va-jay-jay, with my insides all available for anyone to see, I am defintiely going to have good hair and a chipper outlook. It's the hospital, for crying out loud. You never know when your free pass might show up.