"If when we get there, and we get our drinks and whatever, and then suddenly I grab you and we have to leave in a hurry, it's because someone recognizes me and it might not be safe."
Seriously. That's what he said. And because I can never, ever learn a lesson I say "What do mean MIGHT NOT BE SAFE?!" (using finger quotes).
"I never told you but I used to be a drug dealer, and I just wanted to let you know now, in case anything happens." He tells me this now. On the way to a bar. A bar that is very very far from my house, where, apparently, other, meaner drug dealers might be.
I tell him it's no big deal, I know a lot of drug dealers. I go to college. He says very slowly and clearly, '"Nooo, not like that. The real kind, with coke scales and a lot of money and a Mercedes. That sort of thing. I was supposed to go to jail , but they let me go to Iraq instead cuz I was AWOL from the Marines anyway. But it's ok because I have a gun in the back of my pants."
So, if this ever happens to you, just put your hands over your ears and star humming.